“Jesus.. says, 'Let go of your complaints, forgive those who loved you poorly, step over your feelings of being rejected, and have the courage to trust that you won't fall into an abyss of nothingness but into the safe embrace of a God whose love will heal all your wounds.” ― Henri J.M. Nouwen, Here and Now: Living in the Spirit

I love public speaking. I never thought I would say that. I mean, I love drama and acting but that is NOT public speaking. I do not enjoy leading small groups, I do not enjoy speaking in front of big groups, but for some reason I love speaking publicly about what the Lord is doing in Bulgaria. It is as if I am given the words to say and the energy and enthusiasm to say them! In fact...I know that I am given the words and energy and enthusiasm to say them. :) 

I have been traveling these past few weeks; speaking at women's events, sunday school classes, having 'one on ones'...I have loved every minute of it. The more people that know about what is happening the more prayer is spoken and the more awareness is raised. Another reason I love to speak about this issue is because people feel freedom to speak about their own sexual brokenness. I enjoy talking about this issue at churches, so many men and women go through their entire lives with a secret that causes them to feel isolated from the rest of the world. All of us have secrets that cause us to think, 'No one can possible know this or understand this. Everyone else has such pure lives.' This is a lie from Satan. 

So many people never speak of that one (or many) thing that happened in the past. And why not? If we have an all knowing, all loving Father who forgives everything...why can't we? Why do we make it so difficult to speak the Truth about our brokenness? We all struggle sexually. Why? Because God made us to be sexual beings. He made us to love and to be loved...FULLY! But we live in a fallen world, and sexuality and sex is broken. 

We should not be silencing people's sins, hurts and desires...we should be a community of open arms. A community that loves unconditionally. A community that speaks openly about sex and what can and will happen if it is taken out of context. And even in context! We should be a church that never has 'hush hush' topics. Why? Because Jesus' words cover everything. He spoke love and truth into the broken lives of hurting people, sexually broken people, prideful people, arrogant people, and into lonely people...Why can't we be a people that speak truth and love into this broken world, into broken hearts that so desperately ache to be accepted and loved? Why can't we be vulnerable enough and honest enough to our community about what we struggle with? God give us your eyes, your words, your love and your compassion to speak truth and love into this broken world...this broken world that needs you so desperately. Give us strength and courage to be open about our sins and desires and allow people to be freed from the lies that so often isolate and destroy the human soul. 

“Compassion asks us to go where it hurts, to enter into the places of pain, to share in brokenness, fear, confusion, and anguish. Compassion challenges us to cry out with those in misery, to mourn with those who are lonely, to weep with those in tears. Compassion requires us to be weak with the weak, vulnerable with the vulnerable, and powerless with the powerless. Compassion means full immersion in the condition of being human.” 
― Henri J.M. Nouwen

Orlando

“Friendship is born at that moment when one man says to another: "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . ."”  C.S. Lewis

I am not a good vacationer. I always am thinking about my to do lists and who I need to keep in touch with...especially when I live in America. But God loves to take care of me. (for some reason :) ) He seems to think it necessary to put me in places where Internet is slow...or there is literally NO SERVICE with my cellphone provider. (even though everyone else around me seems to have service just fine!) He knows what I need. And what I have needed is rest. Rest. Good Meals. Good Fellowship. Good Sleep.  

I have been able to visit with so many friends over the past few days, so many sweet friendships the Lord has preserved over the years. From High school Mentor, high school and college friends and new friends I made in Bulgaria...all in one city. I have been overwhelmed with their presence and care for me. But I have been more overwhelmed with our conversations. We have listened to each other talk about our grief, death, numbness, sin, loneliness  We have held each other and encouraged each other to focus on Him and His great love for us. We have been honest about our sin and desires and have pointed each other to the cross. 
I love the C.S. Lewis quote above...How true it is! That moment when you do not feel alone in the world; realizing that someone else understands how you feel. The pain and guilt of sin or grief does not go away but the isolation that Satan and our Flesh wants to keep us in slowly melts. Isolation. The moments in my life that I have sinned the most were moments of isolation. Believing the lies that I am alone, no one could possibly care about me or understand the depths of my sin. And the most beautiful moments of my life are moments of fellowship, realizing that I am not alone, that someone understands my pain and they point me to the cross. Those are the most beautiful moments. Community. True Community. How the Father, Son and Holy Spirit live in perfect harmony and mutual love and respect, knowing each other fully. That is how we are to be with one another. Honest about our sins, our failings, our desires...lamenting with each other over the things of this world. Crying out to our Father "I Just Don't Understand!" or "Why have you left me?" or "Why do I feel numb to You and Your word?"  Holding each other. Listening to each other. Weeping with each other. Over time the weeping turns to laughing. The tears of pain turn to tears of joy. And our cries turn to praises. Because we picked ourselves up and cleaned ourselves off? No. Because we pointed each other to Christ and His Word; and begin loving each other as He loves us. What is more beautiful than that?
"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.” Henri Nouwen

Christ Beside Me...

"Christ beside me, Christ before me, Christ behind me, Christ within me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me." St. Patrick

After visiting Ireland in high school I read St. Patrick's biography. My heart was broken for the love that the Lord gave him. If you have never studied St. Patrick, you need to. Yes he is a sinner, no he was not perfect...but he followed the Lord's calling and moved to the very place he had escaped from. And Why? What could he possibly attain from this?

I have to admit that every St. Patty's day I am more concerned over which pub to go to then the love I have for my neighbors...or most importantly, love I have for my enemies. What does it really mean to 'turn the other cheek'? For St. Patrick it meant going back to the very place that abused and enslaved him. And loving them and showing them the Hope of Christ. 
Lord give me this kind of love. Your kind of LOVE! Love that empowers people to do risky things in Your Name and Power. 

Starting Afresh

I love Art. I grew up in a family where both of my parents are creative and full of imagination. I love the idea that a painting can tell a story better than actually hearing the story being said. I love the idea that god created us to be creative!

A friend in Bulgaria is a beautiful Artist. This is her story.

The painter Tanya Dimitrova was born in 1987 in Smolyan, Bulgaria. She graduated from the "Professional Secondary School for Applied Arts" in Smolyan and adds to her professional education both Bachelor and Master Degrees in "Pedagogy and semiotics of Fine Arts" from Sofia University.

She expresses herself through the art of sharing her thoughts, feelings and ideas in color and shades.

Contact: dimitrova.art@gmail.com

Just enjoy these beautiful paintings of these Bulgarian Women. Imagine their stories, trials, heartaches, desires...And join us in praying for our Daughters on the streets of Europe. Wishing and waiting for someone to give them Hope again. 

Dear Supporters, Friends, Family...

I have decided to delete all of my old posts and start over. I was not very good at keeping the Blog going and I really would love to be better at keeping you informed on what is happening in my life. Pictures. Stories...So many things are trapped inside of my memory and I really need to start writing them all down. 

So here goes nothing.