I am not a good vacationer. I always am thinking about my to do lists and who I need to keep in touch with...especially when I live in America. But God loves to take care of me. (for some reason :) ) He seems to think it necessary to put me in places where Internet is slow...or there is literally NO SERVICE with my cellphone provider. (even though everyone else around me seems to have service just fine!) He knows what I need. And what I have needed is rest. Rest. Good Meals. Good Fellowship. Good Sleep.
I have been able to visit with so many friends over the past few days, so many sweet friendships the Lord has preserved over the years. From High school Mentor, high school and college friends and new friends I made in Bulgaria...all in one city. I have been overwhelmed with their presence and care for me. But I have been more overwhelmed with our conversations. We have listened to each other talk about our grief, death, numbness, sin, loneliness We have held each other and encouraged each other to focus on Him and His great love for us. We have been honest about our sin and desires and have pointed each other to the cross.
I love the C.S. Lewis quote above...How true it is! That moment when you do not feel alone in the world; realizing that someone else understands how you feel. The pain and guilt of sin or grief does not go away but the isolation that Satan and our Flesh wants to keep us in slowly melts. Isolation. The moments in my life that I have sinned the most were moments of isolation. Believing the lies that I am alone, no one could possibly care about me or understand the depths of my sin. And the most beautiful moments of my life are moments of fellowship, realizing that I am not alone, that someone understands my pain and they point me to the cross. Those are the most beautiful moments. Community. True Community. How the Father, Son and Holy Spirit live in perfect harmony and mutual love and respect, knowing each other fully. That is how we are to be with one another. Honest about our sins, our failings, our desires...lamenting with each other over the things of this world. Crying out to our Father "I Just Don't Understand!" or "Why have you left me?" or "Why do I feel numb to You and Your word?" Holding each other. Listening to each other. Weeping with each other. Over time the weeping turns to laughing. The tears of pain turn to tears of joy. And our cries turn to praises. Because we picked ourselves up and cleaned ourselves off? No. Because we pointed each other to Christ and His Word; and begin loving each other as He loves us. What is more beautiful than that?
"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.” Henri Nouwen
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