I've been sick...

I've been sick. Really sick. We have had lots going on with Daughters of Bulgaria and I have had to do them while being sick all week. Which meant...my new apartment has been filled with boxes and nothing has really been unpacked except the kitchen. And I am hosting our team's christmas party this Thursday. Needless to say, I was a bit stressed and unmotivated.

Yesterday my dear friends, my sisters, blessed me. They came to my apartment. They unpacked my boxes. Rearranged the furniture. Decorated my room. Cleaned my living room. And decorated the whole apartment for Christmas. 

My friends have a gift for 'nesting' and 'decorating'. They not only unpacked and cleaned but they made my apartment look beautiful. 

Sometimes I listen to the lies that are in my head. "You are alone". "You have to do this by yourself." "No one cares about you." "If you were normal you would have a man to help you." Bla Bla Bla...BUT then the Lord chimes in and reminds me that not only am I not alone because He is here with me, but He has also given me a beautiful family here that loves me and takes such sweet care of me! I am truly blessed by them and would not trade a single one of them for anything. Thank you my dear friends.

My Kitchen all ready for the Christmas Party! Love my chalk board!!!

Can you find the minion?

 In my living room there is a space with tile that looks like it was created for the Christmas Tree. :) So I knew that I needed to get a big tree this year. I tend to collect ornaments when I travel but I was still nervous that I would have a bare Christmas tree! So as I walked around the city I would find cute ornaments and buy one, two or three...mostly owls and sheep ones. :) Once I had unloaded all of my ornaments and started putting them on the tree I realized...I HAD PLENTY! 

Love these birds. 

Found this Advent Calendar in a shop here in Sofia. Can I get a Roll Tide Christmas?!?!

Not for weak stomaches

This is a video from my door to the metro. Many of you have asked for more pictures of my daily life...so here it is! It's a bit bumpy...can't see much...but I tried. :)

It's not easy being away from my family...especially on days like today where all I want to do is spoil my nephew with birthday presents!
 

This little monster turns 1 today!

But I am so very thankful for Skype! 

And thankful for Bulgarian nieces that I can spoil! :)

God is so Good.

Sweet Friends

It has been so wonderful being back with old and friends and some new fiends! Welcome to Erin, Molly and Lizzy! We are so excited you are here!

 This was me dressed as Moaning Myrtle for our ESL costume party...I was also the DJ. We had a blast. 

 Ezmerelda, Brave, Katniss, 70s chick, Me and Princess Leah. :)

I am home safe and sound!

Sorry it has taken so long. 

BUT 

Trafficking in America

Maybe you have heard that human trafficking is happening...but you think to yourself 'maybe it's happening in New York City or California but not in my hometown'. Think again.

Below is a link to Polaris Project. This website shows you what is happening in your state regarding human trafficking and the efforts that are being made to combat it.

STATE MAP- Polaris Project






For the month of September I will be working as an intern with an organization based out of Orlando, FL. Below is the link. Please be praying for me and this organization as we work together to fight human trafficking through prevention, rescue and restoration. Buy this book and support the fight!
There Is Hope For Me

Salvation Mountain

While in California my friend heard about a place called Salvation Mountain. We could not find much about it on the internet but he was convinced that this was a place that we not only had to go to, but go OUT OF OUR WAY to. It definitely was an adventure getting there. But boy was it worth it. 

We left the chilly wet winds of San Diego and went to the deserted Nilan. It was strange how the rock was red and the air was so dry you felt like you were in a toaster oven. 

When we approached Salvation Army our mouths dropped. I will not say anything more...please just look at what this man created and dedicated his life to. Summed up in one word. 

LOVE. 

http://www.salvationmountain.us

Bubblegum Alley

On the road across CA we made plenty of pitstops, to look at the beauty of creation, cool cities, visit with friends, etc but one of my favorite spots happened to be one of the nastiest. 

Bubblegum Alley was in a small college town on the way to San Francisco. 

Admiring

It didn't have the loveliest of smells but it was quite a sight. An alley of used gum, gum that would normally be in the trash or stuck on the bottom of your shoe being bothersome...is now art! Art that showed how beautiful it is for individuals to come together. Art that showed what we can create when we bring broken dirty pieces together. Together we are a mosaic, something that the world stops to look at because of how beautiful it truly is. It was definitely something to stop and think about. :)

Art 

Without Love I Am Not

"Without Love I Am Nothing At All" While listing to the lines of Sara Groves I am reminded of my day yesterday. Three very extreme emotions come to my mind.

Joy. Yesterday morning we spent time with my dear friend and mentor Beth as we walked around San Diego, ate, saw the iron side ships, and just enjoyed each other's company and God's beautiful creation. I love Beth and it was wonderful to spend time with her and see her new home.
Lord be with my dear friend Beth. She has been such a blessing to me throughout my life and such a dear friend. Go before her and after her. Bless her with rich community and deep relationships that reflect your love and provision. 

Anger. Anger does not justify the feeling I had yesterday afternoon. We joined an outreach team to go to a strip club in San Diego. Katie and I prepared ourselves but I was not prepared for my unbridled anger that I was about to see in me. We pulled up in the parking lot of the strip club and I looked at the sign to see what the name of the place was. Little Darlings. I was unprepared for the anger that was welling up inside of me. Everything about that name pissed me off. (I am using 'pissed' for a reason. 'Upset' does not do the feeling justice. :/) The fact that the owners decided to name the place 'Little Darlings' was appalling to me. They decided to use the same name that a father uses for his child. The name itself is for a child, not a woman! The name screams Pedophile and yet girls want to work there and men want to go there! My brain was trying to calm my emotions down before going in to the building because I wanted to have the love of God in me not my anger. Thankfully the Holy Spirit gave me His peace and comfort. Praise Jesus.
Lord please be with those girls we talked to in Little Darlings. Remind them that they are exactly those things to you. A Darling. The apple of your eye. Restore to them their true identity and name. Show them how much you love them. For you are our heavenly Father that leaves the 99 to find the 1. Please Lord...go after these women the way you came after me. Please Father. 

Peace. After the outreach the leader asked if we wanted to go to a baptism of a woman who has come out of prostitution. As we prayed for her and read scripture before hand she had a request. She took out her business phone and wanted to name all of her users by name, pray for the Lord to cleanse her from them as well as pray for their souls and families. I was overwhelmed by the Love that this woman and group had. Only Love from the Father can cause this Love to pour out. And without Love, everything we do is all for nothing. We can love, we can serve, we can forgive...but if we do not have Love we do not have anything.
Lord, pour out your love on these men. Clothe them with your love and comfort. They are so hurt and enslaved to their sin. Lord pursue them, hunt them, seek them out until they are yours. 
Lord remind my new friend every hour of every day of your great love for her. For your love is extravagant. 

Lord forgive me for my lack of forgiveness. Watching this woman forgive men who abused and molested her reminded me of your great forgiveness and cleansing power. Holy Spirit, help me forgive those who I have not forgiven and lift my head to your face so I can have your peace and be comforted. Forgive me Lord. Thank you for the blessing of witnessing one of your darlings coming into the Kingdom. Thank you. 

Mutuality

"The bottom line is God did not create any woman to be a prostitute, a stripper, a porn star, or to feel like she must pursue an endless quest for physical perfection. As children of God, all females are endowed with worth and dignity for who they are...in all their infinite and beautiful varieties. For ourselves, for our mothers, sisters, daughters, nieces, granddaughters, and friends, it is time to reclaim our dignity and our beauty. Let's exchange the ashes of raunch culture for the beautiful crowns of God's Love." Lisa L. Thompson

Please pray for me as I speak to youth at a youth conference this weekend about the Lord's Delight in us women...

Delight

Sitting at my lunch table at the Green Lake Conference center, I looked around at the dining hall. 300 men and women, warriors of the faith, fighters of trafficking, 'temple' rebuilders, were sitting around tables fellowshipping. 

Veterans of the ministry were telling their failures and successes to new soldiers. Counselors like Dan Allender were in a deep conversations with people over ice cream. South American women were sitting around a table smiling and cheering while one after the other told stories of the Lord pulling people out of bondage and lives being restored. African ladies were blaring Pharrells "Happy" song and dancing around tables giving the Lord all of the Joy that was in them. 

"Is this real?" I thought..."Surely this is what heaven will feel like. No tears, no sadness...pure Joy and Delight in our creator and all He has done for us. Dancing! Laughing! Ice cream! Pure Delight."

As I sat and watched all of these warriors, who storm the gates of hell on a daily basis, praise the Lord and cheer of His Goodness, I could not help but think of a quote from Dan Allender that same morning. 
"If you want to see God for who He truly is, go into the deepest darkest corners of the world." 

It seemed to me, that the people who were the most scared and nervous were the new soldiers. And the people who were so full of joy and delight were the veterans. The veterans would almost be considered reckless in 'normal society'. 
These veterans know who they are fighting and who is on their side. They know that this fight is lead by the Creator of the Universe. They know that they have Angels and the Lord on their side...and they always seem to be rejoicing already as if the battle is already won! It was amazing to witness; such Love and Joy and Pure Delight pouring out of these men and women.

One morning session was taught by Dan Allender, he asked us to take 10 minutes and journal about people in our lives who look straight at you and you feel God's pure delight. I wrote down a few names, my nephews being two them..after a few minutes I realized that most of the names I was writing were the very men and


women sitting in the chairs around me. I am so thankful for this ministry. This ministry causes me to NEED Jesus so desperately every day. This ministry surrounds me around the worlds most courageous defenders of the faith. This ministry gives me pure Delight.

“Jesus.. says, 'Let go of your complaints, forgive those who loved you poorly, step over your feelings of being rejected, and have the courage to trust that you won't fall into an abyss of nothingness but into the safe embrace of a God whose love will heal all your wounds.” ― Henri J.M. Nouwen, Here and Now: Living in the Spirit

I love public speaking. I never thought I would say that. I mean, I love drama and acting but that is NOT public speaking. I do not enjoy leading small groups, I do not enjoy speaking in front of big groups, but for some reason I love speaking publicly about what the Lord is doing in Bulgaria. It is as if I am given the words to say and the energy and enthusiasm to say them! In fact...I know that I am given the words and energy and enthusiasm to say them. :) 

I have been traveling these past few weeks; speaking at women's events, sunday school classes, having 'one on ones'...I have loved every minute of it. The more people that know about what is happening the more prayer is spoken and the more awareness is raised. Another reason I love to speak about this issue is because people feel freedom to speak about their own sexual brokenness. I enjoy talking about this issue at churches, so many men and women go through their entire lives with a secret that causes them to feel isolated from the rest of the world. All of us have secrets that cause us to think, 'No one can possible know this or understand this. Everyone else has such pure lives.' This is a lie from Satan. 

So many people never speak of that one (or many) thing that happened in the past. And why not? If we have an all knowing, all loving Father who forgives everything...why can't we? Why do we make it so difficult to speak the Truth about our brokenness? We all struggle sexually. Why? Because God made us to be sexual beings. He made us to love and to be loved...FULLY! But we live in a fallen world, and sexuality and sex is broken. 

We should not be silencing people's sins, hurts and desires...we should be a community of open arms. A community that loves unconditionally. A community that speaks openly about sex and what can and will happen if it is taken out of context. And even in context! We should be a church that never has 'hush hush' topics. Why? Because Jesus' words cover everything. He spoke love and truth into the broken lives of hurting people, sexually broken people, prideful people, arrogant people, and into lonely people...Why can't we be a people that speak truth and love into this broken world, into broken hearts that so desperately ache to be accepted and loved? Why can't we be vulnerable enough and honest enough to our community about what we struggle with? God give us your eyes, your words, your love and your compassion to speak truth and love into this broken world...this broken world that needs you so desperately. Give us strength and courage to be open about our sins and desires and allow people to be freed from the lies that so often isolate and destroy the human soul. 

“Compassion asks us to go where it hurts, to enter into the places of pain, to share in brokenness, fear, confusion, and anguish. Compassion challenges us to cry out with those in misery, to mourn with those who are lonely, to weep with those in tears. Compassion requires us to be weak with the weak, vulnerable with the vulnerable, and powerless with the powerless. Compassion means full immersion in the condition of being human.” 
― Henri J.M. Nouwen

Orlando

“Friendship is born at that moment when one man says to another: "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . ."”  C.S. Lewis

I am not a good vacationer. I always am thinking about my to do lists and who I need to keep in touch with...especially when I live in America. But God loves to take care of me. (for some reason :) ) He seems to think it necessary to put me in places where Internet is slow...or there is literally NO SERVICE with my cellphone provider. (even though everyone else around me seems to have service just fine!) He knows what I need. And what I have needed is rest. Rest. Good Meals. Good Fellowship. Good Sleep.  

I have been able to visit with so many friends over the past few days, so many sweet friendships the Lord has preserved over the years. From High school Mentor, high school and college friends and new friends I made in Bulgaria...all in one city. I have been overwhelmed with their presence and care for me. But I have been more overwhelmed with our conversations. We have listened to each other talk about our grief, death, numbness, sin, loneliness  We have held each other and encouraged each other to focus on Him and His great love for us. We have been honest about our sin and desires and have pointed each other to the cross. 
I love the C.S. Lewis quote above...How true it is! That moment when you do not feel alone in the world; realizing that someone else understands how you feel. The pain and guilt of sin or grief does not go away but the isolation that Satan and our Flesh wants to keep us in slowly melts. Isolation. The moments in my life that I have sinned the most were moments of isolation. Believing the lies that I am alone, no one could possibly care about me or understand the depths of my sin. And the most beautiful moments of my life are moments of fellowship, realizing that I am not alone, that someone understands my pain and they point me to the cross. Those are the most beautiful moments. Community. True Community. How the Father, Son and Holy Spirit live in perfect harmony and mutual love and respect, knowing each other fully. That is how we are to be with one another. Honest about our sins, our failings, our desires...lamenting with each other over the things of this world. Crying out to our Father "I Just Don't Understand!" or "Why have you left me?" or "Why do I feel numb to You and Your word?"  Holding each other. Listening to each other. Weeping with each other. Over time the weeping turns to laughing. The tears of pain turn to tears of joy. And our cries turn to praises. Because we picked ourselves up and cleaned ourselves off? No. Because we pointed each other to Christ and His Word; and begin loving each other as He loves us. What is more beautiful than that?
"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.” Henri Nouwen

Christ Beside Me...

"Christ beside me, Christ before me, Christ behind me, Christ within me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me." St. Patrick

After visiting Ireland in high school I read St. Patrick's biography. My heart was broken for the love that the Lord gave him. If you have never studied St. Patrick, you need to. Yes he is a sinner, no he was not perfect...but he followed the Lord's calling and moved to the very place he had escaped from. And Why? What could he possibly attain from this?

I have to admit that every St. Patty's day I am more concerned over which pub to go to then the love I have for my neighbors...or most importantly, love I have for my enemies. What does it really mean to 'turn the other cheek'? For St. Patrick it meant going back to the very place that abused and enslaved him. And loving them and showing them the Hope of Christ. 
Lord give me this kind of love. Your kind of LOVE! Love that empowers people to do risky things in Your Name and Power. 

Starting Afresh

I love Art. I grew up in a family where both of my parents are creative and full of imagination. I love the idea that a painting can tell a story better than actually hearing the story being said. I love the idea that god created us to be creative!

A friend in Bulgaria is a beautiful Artist. This is her story.

The painter Tanya Dimitrova was born in 1987 in Smolyan, Bulgaria. She graduated from the "Professional Secondary School for Applied Arts" in Smolyan and adds to her professional education both Bachelor and Master Degrees in "Pedagogy and semiotics of Fine Arts" from Sofia University.

She expresses herself through the art of sharing her thoughts, feelings and ideas in color and shades.

Contact: dimitrova.art@gmail.com

Just enjoy these beautiful paintings of these Bulgarian Women. Imagine their stories, trials, heartaches, desires...And join us in praying for our Daughters on the streets of Europe. Wishing and waiting for someone to give them Hope again. 

Dear Supporters, Friends, Family...

I have decided to delete all of my old posts and start over. I was not very good at keeping the Blog going and I really would love to be better at keeping you informed on what is happening in my life. Pictures. Stories...So many things are trapped inside of my memory and I really need to start writing them all down. 

So here goes nothing.